Sparklehat V Witchy-Well – Daniel 21

 

[For back story go here: Story so far at 27 July 2020 and more recent episodes.]

[Relevant back story links also within text.]

Daniel wasn’t certain why or how it had one to this. He wasn’t all that certain he wanted to do it either, there were other things playing on his mind. The disappearance of his old work phone for instance (although obviously the battery would have finally given up by now). The leaving of a non-committal answerphone message from Chrissy, apologetic but not really saying sorry. Talk of there being an opportunity and no time to go into the argument that she was certain she’d end up having with Daniel. Not wanting to put Daisy through anything more. All very laudable and applaudable, he thought. But ultimately, so what? He’s go round there in his own good time, when he knew what his agenda was, what he wanted to do and not how he would fit in with Chrissy’s life.

But for now there was more at stake. And it involved an open video channel and two puppets.

At the allotted time, organised carefully and equitably not to give one or other party the advantage, Mr Spaklehat and Mrs Witchy-Well appeared on screen (or Witchy-Woo as Sparklehat scathingly referred to her) eyeing each other warily through their respective blue felt eyes and black felt-tipped penned lashes.

SPARKLEHAT: So, Witchy-Well, we meet at last.

WITCHY-WELL: I have heard tell of your bad words towards me, Sparkleprat and I have to say you are already wasting my time. Yawn yawn yawn yawn…

SPARKLEHAT: Wasting your time? Well, clearly I was not wasting my time when I created such a brilliant approach to promoting your otherwise mundane piece of technology. I note that you decided to used some of my very ideas - that wasn’t such a waste of time, hah?

WITCHY-WELL: Mundane piece of technology? I’ll have you know we have already been short listed for three industry specific innovation and productivity awards! 

SPARKLEHAT: Anyone can get a nomination for one of those! You just have to fill in a form and smile at the right people and before you know it they’ve given you a block of artistic plastic to stick on the mantlepiece. What I’m talking about is true innovation, innovation in marketing - you can’t buy that, you can only get it through inspiration. You have no inspiration, in fact I’d go so far as to say, you’re just a puppet worked by those above you!

WITCHY-WELL: I bought that marketing inspiration from you Mr Sparklepants. You were working for me when you came up with those oh so mundane phrases that you seem to think still belong to you. Do you have copyright over the English language? Are you unique? I have news for you pal, you’re not the only puppet in town any more.

SPARKEHAT: Well, I shall, I shall tell everyone of your treatment of me and there shall be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

A phone chime suddenly went off in the back ground.

WITCHY-WELL: Shall there be a phone call as well?

SPARKLEHAT: No, no! By the magic of my Sparkle there shall be an end to that phone chime and it shall not interfere with my argument.

Sparklehat seemed a little unstable while the phone was silenced.

WITCHY-WELL: And I shall cast a spell on you to make you unemployable by anyone and undesirable to the masses. From here on you shall be Sparklepong!

“Are we going too far?” Asked Daniel, breaking out of character for a moment.

“I’m fine if you are,” said Wendy at the other end.

“Yeah, but, we’re kind of straying from the point now…” said Daniel. “I just wanted to see if…”

“I’m enjoying this,” said Wendy. “Hell, it’s made my day.”

SPARKLEHAT: But will you give me credit for my work or do I have to take this further?

WITCHY-WELL: What is this 'further' of which you speak? You cannot take it further for by the prickling of my thumbs I shall end your reign of sparkles kingdom! He he he heh!

SPARKLEHAT: I shall take it to the unicorns and then you shall be sorry. Very sorry. Unicorns. Pointy bits. Hurts.

WITCHY-WELL: Then come and work your magic again for me. And I shall reward you handsomely with the position of Chief Innovation Officer.

“Seriously?”

SPARKLEHAT: How do I know I can trust you?

WITCHY-WELL: I will have my people draw something up and email it over to your people before close of play today. What do you say Sparklefart? Do we have a deal?

SPARKELHET: Subject to contract, small print and the usual details I’m going to say affirmative.

Daniel wasn’t sure who broke down and out of the spell of puppetry first, but he was pleased to find a contract in his in-tray within half an hour of Wendy suffering from uncontrollable giggles. To give her her worth she still giggled in character.

The only thing Daniel was worried about now was whether he could still be innovative without Mr Sparklehat.