Screen Time – Sandra 21

 

[For back story go here: Story so far at 27 July 2020 especially this one.]

[Relevant back story links also within text.]

There was complete and utter silence on set. You could have heard a pin drop but actually what you heard was a massive clatter as Sandra dropped the chocolate brownie tray she was holding and disappeared in the large plume of black smoke that was coming from the oven on her side of the studio. And with the clatter and within the black black smoke she wondered whether this was the end of her career or just the end of everything. Ever.

The show had started out as mundane as ever. Paul and Charmaine chit-chattering on their respective ends of an extra large sofa, commenting lightly on the heavy subjects of the day and generally making it seem as if the world and everyone else was still relaxed, happy and full of wonderful possibilities. Which in places they all were. There were serious issues to discuss for sure, but let's not also forget about weird ice cream flavours from summer, huge co-incidental meetings, funny pub signs and dogs. And haircuts. And dogs who really need haircuts.

Following an advertising break the inevitable switch across to Sandra’s side of the studio occurred as Charmaine moved seamlessly from ‘dogs with haircuts’ to ‘cats without dates’. It was an odd, ham-fisted and misshapen phrase and it was batted around for two minutes solid before metamorphosing sufficiently to get Sandra lined up with the first question, which, naturally, had nothing whatsoever to do with the reason why she was on.

"Sandra," said Paul, "a little bird tells me you have an interesting middle name!"

"Um, I..."

"So what is it?" asked Charmaine.

“Xanadu,” said Sandra without any expression.

"Wow! That's amazing. Why do you think you got that name – I mean, is there a story behind it?"

"I – I don't know actually. I think my mum liked it."

There was an awkward pause, although not as awkward as some that morning and then they moved on. What was the secret behind the success of the app? Were the kittens really safe, unplanned and that cute? And what was she going to cook for us today, because we've heard how cooking can lift the spirit and maybe even, you know, impress a significant other. After all, Sandra was an expert in finding significant others at this time of crisis. 

Sandra managed a smile and said chocolate brownies.

And so the cameras turned away from her for now and on to an article on whether mathematics taught to kids was harder or easier than five years ago and whether it actually mattered given the current state of affairs. And Sandra started in on her chocolate brownies that she'd started in on earlier, still going over the ‘how to' script in her head for when they came back to her.

When the studio came back to her however, they’d decided to take calls to her from people looking for their other halves instead. This threw Sandra not a little as she had made it perfectly plain that the app did the matching and not her. Thinking on her feet however she managed to get through a number of callers.

Nigel from Dorset needed to think more about the things people wanted to talk about when they met for the first time. Terri – with an ‘i’ – was from Scotland and wanted to meet people from the gym but was finding it hard to flirt or even achieve eye contact across a socially distanced spinning group.

And then another caller, Robert, came on. He was interested mainly in names, said Charmaine, and was wondering if the app could deal with that kind of preference. 

Sandra, still a little flustered, but rewarding herself for her coherence so far, didn’t recognise the voice until he came back from her affirmative response.

“It’s the song, by the way,” he said.

“What?” said Sandra as the sofa bound hosts looked on quizzically.

“‘A place where nobody dared to go, the love that we came to know. They called it Xanadu.’”

“R-Rob?” spluttered Sandra. “What are you..?”

“Do you know this person, Sandra?” said Paul latching onto what he sensed could be an award winning TV moment. “Sandra, do you know him?”

“I, sort of, well yes, but…”

“Is he a secret admirer?”

“‘Xanadu, your neon lights will shine…’”

“He’s not my admirer, he’s…”

“Oh, Sandra – the brownies!”

Sandra saw the smoke rising from the under the surface oven. The ones she’d made earlier were now more than made in the present. The studio fell silent to see what she would do.

“I – I made these from the recipe you…”

She opened the oven, pulled out the brownies with her gloved hand and immediately dropped them, disappearing as she did into the rising black smoke exiting the oven.

“And on to commercial break!” shouted a voice.