Oh baby, the stars shine bright – Jenny 48

[For back story go here: Story so far at 30 Nov 2020 and this one.]

[For other back story click in-links] 

As she stood in the garden, looking up at the stars, Jenny thought that somewhere out there was a new baby. A new life. A brand new life breathing their first breaths, working out exactly what their body needed to do to survive and live. Working on natural automatic instincts that meant they were alive and getting used to being in the real world. The place where they belonged and the place where they were destined to be. Had been destined to be for many months, and even before that. A new child was at once a specific set of circumstances making an individual and a unique chance event that had occurred through sheer randomness.

This new life had a destiny. Maybe a great one. Maybe they would be a leader or an expert in something (these tended to be mutually exclusive these days a fleeting thought told Jenny). Perhaps they would be famous and bring joy to millions, perhaps they would bring joy to their immediate family. Either one would be the right thing. They could do what they liked, they would always be loved, and through that love they would love as well.

Jenny was aware of the passing of time as she watched the stars and felt the earth steady in her orbit. She was now the older, third generation – although definitely less of the ‘old’ given everybody’s timeline. Her son was a young father, she was a young grandmother, her daughter a young aunt - and so on. But in the end they just were. Their ages wouldn’t be remarkable, they would just be another relative to another child and everyone would see that and wonder at the togetherness of this loving family. Assuming that was what Jude wanted and if her father piped down a bit.

Except that now, as Jenny watched the stars and mused on the miracle of life, now when she held her breath and when she whispered the new names for herself and Izzy (grandmother, grandma, granny, gran), and as she lifted another prayer for the smallest one in their family she wondered precisely where the hell they were. Because despite receiving a text to say the birth had happened, no one had told them where this new life was.

The baby was in a hospital somewhere. Or at least she, Izzy and Peter assumed the baby was in a hospital somewhere. But they didn’t know which hospital. They knew the baby was alive, but didn’t know the sex and didn’t know if they would be involved in the naming of the child. They knew there was another being in the world related to them, here because of them, but they didn’t know what they looked like or how they were.

Jenny was trying to be all romantic about it, but she also thought that aside from that one text “It’s arrived”, there was no actual evidence and this could all be a mistake. What if the text from Jude’s sister referred to a particularly wonderful piece of baby kit, ordered in preparation for the big day? Or what if they’d ordered a new computer that had arrived or were referring to an update on a video game that was now streaming? Peter could get very excited about those.

It was a shame. Her meandering thoughts had disrupted the special feeling she’d had only seconds before. The spell around the new life and what it meant felt broken now and she was just standing in the garden in the dark. It had started to drizzle now, messing her hair up and making her cup of cocoa weak and damp. 

The others were probably just inside eating toast, the end of a first week back at school and who cares about anything. What shall we do at the weekend, oh the same as any other weekend because despite some things heading for normality we still can’t go out and actually do anything. We still can’t actually go out and see the baby, even if we knew where it was or anything. And then how heart-breaking to see it and not touch. To just wave and not cuddle, fuss and smell?

She turned to go back into the house, but was met by Peter. He was smiling. 

“I’ve got a picture,” he said, waving his phone at his mum.

She took it and looked. The child was perfect. And real. And for now that was enough to fill Jenny’s heart with warmth and hope for the future.

"And Izzy's found these amazing biscuits," Peter added. "Come and have one."