Homeward Bound – Wayne 15

[For back story go here: Story so far at 27 July 2020.]

When he was younger Wayne would always go to to his mum when he needed help or advice. Admittedly it wasn't always the best thing to do and as he grew older. The issues he had were beyond her knowledge and his timing would be less and less workable.

Pre-teen Wayne found Phillis to be a source of comfort and seemingly infinite wisdom. She knew exactly what order to get yourself dressed and prepped in if you were going out. She knew what would happen if you touched hot things or swallowed flies or other random problems that could emerge on a daily basis causing the young Wayne stress. In the case of swallowing flies she'd said nothing bad would happen – she'd done it herself, and to be honest, Wayne was pretty certain she'd done everything there ever was to do.

The older Wayne found the all-knowing oracle became more inclined to just tell him she knew best rather than demonstrate the fact. Maybe this was because Wayne now tended to ask her advice after the fact (I've just got helped my mate steal a bike, what should I do cos the police are coming here... oddly not something Phillis could advise on from first hand experience. Also her main point would be that Wayne was an idiot for having done it in the first place so that put everyone on the back foot). Either way she became less useful for advice and better at general comfort (I'll stand by you no matter what–- even if you do end up in jail).

Age, confusion and an entirely different experience of life had thrown a good many spanners in the works for their relationship by now. Wayne knew there was generally little chance of any direct way of getting advice from her but she was still a good sounding board if he could only find the right way of phrasing it.

And so it was that he now sat down in Phillis' front room of the terrace house he'd bought for her, both of them armed with a cup of tea and a ginger biscuit, and he wondered whether she would be able to give him some incisive advice about whether to leap back into the Grime scene that had powered him to where he was now, or whether to seek reconciliation with his boyfriend, and possibly take up the guitar again.

But first there were more pressing issues.

"Mrs Longhurst from number 71 says her brother's got this Coving infection, but I can't think that's right. I mean he's only 27. I've not heard of people that age going down with it, have you?"

"It's Covid mum," said Wayne gently, "and it can affect people of every age."

"Are you sure? I mean, you've still been going out and things haven't you? I saw one of your songs on the tele last week so I knew you were alright."

"I recorded that ages ago," said Wayne, "before any of this started."

"Oh of course you did," said Phillis. "You've explained that before. I wondered how you were in Hong Kong."

"Singapore," said Wayne. "We wouldn't have gone to Hong Kong."

The conversation drifted to more domestic issues in which area both parties were more stable. The interesting concept of getting groceries delivered. How Phillis had gone to the shops and everything was different and she couldn't tell what people were saying because of the masks. She'd got into a bit of a state over paying but then realised she did have a card thingy which if you waved in the direction of the till seemed to make everyone happy.

"Magic," she said. "Really, isn't it?"

"I've got as bit of a problem," said Wayne. "Well, a decision really."

"Oh yes?" said Phillis. "Well, I'm all ears."

"I'm trying to decide whether to carry on doing what I've been doing or try something different, you know?"

"Different how?" asked Phillis. "Are you after a proper job?"

"Not exactly, just... A different kind of music I suppose. But I don't know if it would work. So do I stick to what I know or do I take a chance?"

"Which will make you happier?"

"That's just it," said Wayne. "Honestly don't know. But it feels like if I do one then I have to stop doing the other...  Can't do both."

"Does either one hurt you? Does either one hurt anyone else?" asked Phillis gently. Wayne recognised the check list and partly resented it, even though he knew it was the thought process he had to follow.

"I... I'm not sure."

"Sounds to me you've not thought about it enough yet," said Phillis. "But if you think you might regret doing one of those things, if you think it's going to make you feel bad you might want to avoid it."

Wayne could fool himself into thinking that people would be hurt either way, but it was clear that one choice would mean hurting someone in particular, whereas those who might be hurt otherwise would get over it and would always have each other to fall back on. But even though he was thinking this he still wouldn't let himself commit because where did the music fit into this?

"What does she know?" he thought to himself as he got back in the car and dialled up some loud music for the drive home. "She's not my real mum anyway."

Wayne had never told Phillis he knew he'd been adopted and he suspected it would be a secret he'd take to the grave. While this now offered him a way to dodge her advice, he wasn't sure he'd take it.