Conversation Peace – Wayne 5

[For back story see lower numbers in archive]

Apparently two pints of milk at Tesco cost 80p nowadays. Wayne wasn’t sure whether he should be shocked that he didn’t know this or shocked that it was, he thought, pretty low for such a commodity.

“So when was the last time you went into a shop?” asked Dave.

“Dunno,” said Wayne. “Kind of disappears off the map a bit. I know I used to. When I was starting out but then, I dunno. I just stopped. Sort of forgot I needed to and actually I didn’t really need to anyway.”

He pushed back a little on the deckchair Dave had set for him on the landing outside his flat’s front door. Wayne didn’t mind not being invited in of course, but there was a part of him that was a bit cheesed off that Dave had already explained that he would be cleaning and disinfecting the chair before it came back into his home. Then later he’d said maybe he could just leave it outside for future chats. This suggested the current chat was going OK, and that brightened Wayne’s mood no end.

“I got people to do that shopping stuff,” confessed Wayne.

“And that’s OK with you?”

“Well I’m usually busy with other stuff. Recording, writing, going out, you know the drill?”

“I can guess it, I don’t know it,” said Dave. “Did your people cook for you too?”

“Nah, but its all microwave, stick it in the oven type stuff, you know? I can cook pasta,” he said to cover himself, but then added: “Usually.”

The food conversation wasn’t by chance. Dave had produced a packet of biscuits which he was now cautiously sharing with Wayne. He’d asked Wayne to bring his own bowl and together they’d worked out a routine whereby he could get to the biscuits without them being touched or breathed on by Dave. Wayne shoved his bowl across to Dave’s reach with the aid of a Gold capped over-the-top walking stick, gifted to him by a superstar DJ from the New York scene two years ago. (A bit out of date now, which was why Wayne wasn’t seen with it anymore and didn’t mind using it for this purpose). With the bowl in position, Dave, face facing in the opposite direction, eased out the biscuits with him thumb on the outside of the packet, so not actually touching them as they fell out of the packet and into Wayne’s bowl. Dave could then shove the bowl back to Wayne using the disinfected end of a floor mop handle. Job done. A similarly involved method allowed milk to be shared, but Dave was less fussed about this and ultimately said Wayne could keep the whole container.

They’d laughed at how ridiculous all this was, but then a brief discussion of what the current regulations were – or seemed to be – soon made them come round to the view that actually they’d invented a pretty straight forward solution to the challenge.

“What have you been doing?” asked Wayne, off hand, “For food?”

“Oh, you know,” said Dave, “Making it up as I go along. Improvising.”

However, the level of improvisation Dave was at was really that of a jazz saxophonist rather than a home DIY-er. He was, and he only revealed this after he’d regaled Wayne with at least five of his gourmet sounding recipes, the head chef of a four star reviewed restaurant in town. His fridge contained eight different types of tomato sauces whereas Wayne was lucky if there was ketchup in his fridge to cover a chip. And that would be from the five near empty plastic bottles he’d amassed.

“That's a bit embarrassing, isn’t it?” said Wayne.

“Not at all,” said Dave. “We all do what we can and what we’re good at. My entire sound system is an iPhone with Spotify.”

Wayne grinned a little. “Yeah, well, way things are going I reckon that’ll be where I am by the end of this.”

“Not necessarily,” said Dave. “Way I see it is either you’re in people’s faces too much or you put out stuff no one’s interested in right now. What’s the use of me cooking for anyone apart from myself? Impossible for me to do unless I compromise on what I want to do, and cook up some weird kind of take away and I’m not equipped for that. Just got to wait, and when it comes back they’ll realise they’ve missed us and they’ll take whatever we’ve got.”

Wayne considered this. “You might be right,” he said. “But it’s damned hard waiting.”

Dave chomped on another biscuit and shoved the remaining ones in Wayne’s direction. “Oh, I dunno,” he said. “It has its moments. Its opportunities. Try something new.”

“Ha, yeah,” said Wayne, “But I sure ain’t running again.”

“Fair enough,” said Dave. “You know, when I saw you on the balcony screaming, for a moment I thought you were going to… you know?”

“Yeah. For a moment I thought I was going to as well.”

Wayne smiled nervously back at Dave and with that they both knew it wasn’t going to happen again.